So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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