i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
