I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
