worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
