I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
