just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
