I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm too high and old for this...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
