I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
