they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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