I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize