I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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