I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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