period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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