thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
