don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
