Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need water and some morals
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
