i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
