1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
