we have pet lesbian snakes
Your dad touched me again.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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