He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
