whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I look better un-naked...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
