Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
