Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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