I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
