home. puking in laundry basket.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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