Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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