you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
