new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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