I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
