i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
