I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
