Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
