youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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