I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
