My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
