ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
