OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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