In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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