You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
