I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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