I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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