I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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