Apparently you make a good broom.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
