He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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