Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
