OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
