i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
