I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
