i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
