Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
