oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
