Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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