I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
