he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
