im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
