She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
