One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
