I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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