from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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