She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
