i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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