Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
