Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
