mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
