Just fell off a train. Bad.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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