since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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