The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
