the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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